Yesterday I went to church. As always, I got lost and had to use my Google maps on my phone, though I’ve been to this church countless times. This is no surprise to me, but it certainly seems astounding to other people. I’ve always had an utterly terrible sense of direction. North, South, East, West, left, right, up, down. Seriously, I’m that bad. The same can be applied to life. I wish I’d had Google maps. Don’t we all? Take a left here and go to school for this. It’s what you’re meant to do and you will have a fulfilling career. Go East six blocks and the love of your life will be standing on the corner. He’s been waiting for you. Take the second right after the light and you’ll find your forever home. It’s where you’re meant to live out your days in complete contentment. Oh, careful! Here is where you need to yield with extreme caution. STOP here because this is a terrible idea. But, then, what would be the point of this life? How would we learn anything? How would we ever grow?
Oh, to go back and do it all over, knowing what I know now, would be like having a map of sorts. How differently I’d do a lot of it. I’d listen to my truth more and validate it for myself. I’d live louder. I wouldn’t hide. I wouldn’t stay stuck somewhere because it was “comfortable”. These are all things I’m doing now, validating myself, listening to my truth, living, not staying stuck. There is something we would all do differently. But there is no going back and doing it over and there is no physical guide map for life that we can hold in our hands and refer to when we get a bit lost. We all have to start right here, right now, where we are in this moment.
I honestly don’t know how I made it anywhere before technology came along. After my mom passed away and we sold the house I grew up in, my Dad moved. I was driving by this time and I had to drive from his new house to my old house (with written directions) and start there to get to wherever it was I was going. Yes, it’s true. My compass was broken. I’d lived in that town since I was two years old and still couldn’t find my way. I had always been a daydreamer and would just stare out the window, paying no attention to where I was going – always in the passenger seat of my own life.
God wants us to figure life out with His help and guidance, not of our own will, but of HIS. He has a map for each of us. Often, it’s a twisting and turning road paved with mistakes and lessons and growth. It’s a bumpy road, sometimes a dirt road, marked with potholes and speedbumps telling us to slow down. And there are no directions. No stop signs, no yield with caution signs, no signs that say DEAD END. That would have been a good one to have. No one is screaming, “Run, don’t walk, in the opposite direction.” My gut and God often told me what to do, but I didn’t listen. I’ve always been stubborn in that sense, learning my lessons the hard way.
Sometimes, I feel like I’ve been lost (hiding), more than I’ve been found, but that’s not true. God has had me by the hand the whole way through whether I’ve chosen to acknowledge Him or not. He is holding every single one of our hands. I feel Him now gently holding mine in His, guiding me down the path chosen for me. I’m looking out the window now and paying close attention to where I’m headed, seeing all the signs He has planted for me along the way. And while I may not be exactly sure where I’m going, I know I’m going with Him by my side.